I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
