in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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