god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
