very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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