i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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