As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
