Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
