One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
