can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
