ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
