dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
