He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
