He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
