well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize