we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
