She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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