don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
