If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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