Umm I'm too high to move.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
