Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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