So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
no, he came in my armpit
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
