I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
