Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
