I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
