i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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