How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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