I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
