I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
