Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
