I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
