i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
