sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Me too!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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