I'd wear matching sweaters with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
