my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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