You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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