I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize