"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
