Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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