I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
