Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
