This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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