Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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