# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
