So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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