I can text with my tongue
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize