Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He felt like a one man threesome
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
