Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
