Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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