...so i touched it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
