i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
