Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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