You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize