Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
