i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she pinky promised me she was 18
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
