Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
