everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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