im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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