woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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