i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
